us to trust Him in the steps along our way. He knows the way; He goes before us; He knows we are broken vessels. When parenting feels crazy, we can remember we are not only raising children but also proclaiming hope.

22:6 says, Train up a child in the way he should go;    even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Godly parents are to train their children in the paths of righteousness, helping them to understand the consequences of sin and pointing them to the grace and forgiveness found in Christ.

Parenting as Witness

When parents raise their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, with godly discipline and instruction, it demonstrates their values, priorities, and purpose—living to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever (Westminster Shorter Catechism Q&A 1)—which stands in contrast to the values, priorities, and purpose of the unbelieving world. Moreover, when godly parents are fulfilling their calling as parents according to Scripture, it bears witness to the world about the truth, grace, love, and wisdom of God. These divine attributes find tangible application in a covenant family living for Him, and thus, bear witness to Him. Godly parenting also bears witness to the Lordship of Christ. Since He is Lord of heaven and earth, He is also Lord of the home.

The goal of godly parenting is not just to raise well-behaved children, but to raise children who know, love, and serve the Lord. When Jesus told His disciples that they were to be His witnesses (Acts 1:8), this didn’t only mean formal preaching or teaching; it also meant in lives lived in conformity to Scripture. Parenting, though a basic reality for most people, becomes a witness when carried out for God’s glory and according to God’s truth.

Godly parenting requires reliance upon God’s grace, wisdom, and strength. It is about walking with God and with your children, trusting that He who began a good work in them will carry it on to completion at the day of Christ Jesus (Phil. 1:6). As parents embrace their role in God’s covenant community, they can be confident in the glorious promises of God for their children, for they are to  tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might,    and the wonders that he has done . . . that the next generation might know them,    the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children. (Ps. 78:4, 6)

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on September 27, 2024.

our provocation has driven them away.

4. Listen to the Advice of Others

Effective parents seek counsel from their pastors and elders, their own parents, and even their own kids. They also take advantage of good books on parenting. Two great helps on spiritual parenting are Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp and Parenting by God’s Promises by Joel Beeke.

Our children are a sacred trust. Our task is not so much to rule over them, as to lovingly, graciously, train them to fear God. If you have ever worked with concrete you know that you only have a few hours to work it into the proper shape before it becomes immovable. So it is with children. We have just a few years to help shape the spiritual impulses that will guide them through the rest of their lives. We must do all we can to avoid misshaping our children by provoking them to discouragement.

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on July 15, 2013.

the rod (Prov. 17:10). This is particularly so as a child moves past the early years of childhood. Matthew Henry urges parents to exercise authority not “with rigor and severity, but with kindness and gentleness.” If your children can forget that you love them, either during or immediately following discipline, you might be doing it wrong.

2. Maintaining a disorderly home.

God is a God of order (1 Cor. 14:33). He has created us in his image to promote order and thrive in the context of order. A disorderly home can discourage children. A perpetually messy, or especially an unsanitary home can help produce poorly adjusted children. A lack of regularly scheduled meal times and bed times can frustrate children’s God-given desire for order.

3. Holding inappropriate expectations.

Some parents expect almost nothing from their kids. In such settings, children can lose energy or passion because they are never helped to “reach forward to those things which are ahead” (Phil 3:13). In other homes too much is expected. Experience teaches that unreasonable expectations are the ideal breeding ground for discouragement. If your children regularly fail to measure up to your standards, you might be expecting too much.

4. Building a joyless home.

In some homes children are not treated with the dignity that God requires. Some parents rarely congratulate or encourage their children, focusing instead, on their faults. Parents must never forget that their children are people created in God’s image. Children of believers are even included in God’s covenant (1 Cor. 7:14).

5. Failing to speak as “one flesh.”

Too often, dad and mom are not operating by the same rules when it comes to interacting with their kids. One parent might be more lenient. The other might be more demanding. But such “accidental doublespeak” is dangerously confusing to our children. In irreconcilable disagreements the wife must graciously acquiesce to her husband’s leadership (Col. 3:18).

There are many more potential causes for childhood discouragement. Like good physicians, parents should evaluate the spiritual health of their children and, where applicable, diagnose the source of their children’s discouragement. Sometimes the answer will be found by looking in the mirror.

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on July 8, 2013.

Parenting can be both rewarding and overwhelming, and there seems to be no shortage of opinions regarding how fathers and mothers should raise their children. With so much conflicting and often unbiblical advice, how can parents orient themselves to God’s desires and purposes for their children? The following resources, curated by the Ligonier editorial team, can provide both a biblical framework as well as practical advice to parents seeking to raise their children to the glory of God.

Parenting by God’s Promises: How to Raise Children in the Covenant of Grace by Joel Beeke 

This book unpacks the scriptural mandate for parents to raise their children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4) by exploring what that looks like in daily life. Practical wisdom is offered on topics including leading family worship, modeling Christian living, and exercising discipline, all while encouraging parents to look to the Lord and trust in Him as they raise their children.

Like Our Father: How God Parents Us and Why That Matters for Our Parenting by Christina Fox

This book focuses on studying the character of God to give readers a clearer picture of who He is and help them see how His character gives shape to their own parenting as image bearers. Some of the truths covered include that God is our adoptive Father, God provides boundaries, God disciplines us, and God gives us what we need.

The Duties of Parents by J.C. Ryle

In this brief booklet written in the nineteenth century, Ryle describes the goal of parenting according to Scripture, training children to walk with God. This book can help fathers and mothers evaluate their own parenting goals and practices and examine how they line up with God’s character according to His Word.

Teach Them to Work: Building Positive Work Ethic in Our Children by Mary Beeke

This book can provide helpful guidance for parents in how to teach their children to be faithful stewards. Parenting principles and their practical applications are discussed with the goal of helping parents bring clarity to God’s design for fruitful labor in society and the home.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp 

God’s Word makes clear that human actions, words, and attitudes flow from our hearts (Luke 6:45). This book seeks to help parents better understand how to engage and guide their children’s hearts into the paths of life by clarifying parenting goals and teaching parents how to communicate with their children in fruitful ways.

their heart and represent your heavenly Father to them.

In the overflow of your own intimate and growing relationship with Him, stand ready to impact your child. Though there may be other significant influences in your child’s life, no one can truly take the significant place of a father or mother.

Realize the Long-Term Nature of Parenting

Keep a long view. Be patient. Realize the necessary long-term gradual development while keeping in mind the final overarching goal. Raising your child will, of course, take several years before launching them into independent adulthood. At the end of the road, responsible Christian parenting involves preparing your children for their God-given vocation, possible marriage, and possibly their own parenting journey.

Seemingly insignificant small steps taken along the way, however, matter a great deal. They all add up to your child’s development, playing a part in their character and even in their destiny. Do not despise small baby steps or your child’s accomplishment of a small task (Zech. 4:10). Just as being faithful in little qualifies one to be given greater responsibility (Luke 16:10), the small steps, more easily quantifiable and achievable, prepare the way for achieving the larger long-term goal.

Use the powerful tool of biblical discipline, not only to correct but also to instruct, so as to help your child grow in holiness. God disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness (Heb. 12:5–11). The intentional prodding toward holiness will immeasurably strengthen the engine that will power your children’s ultimate mission for God. Character is key. Holiness matters, not as an end in itself, but as a foundation for accomplishing their mission from God (John 17:17–19).

Conclusion

May the God of peace sanctify you thoroughly for this highly significant and central work of your life. May He equip you through His Word, the Spirit, and the church to meet the wonderful challenge and responsibility of parenting a child from birth to mature adulthood.

truly Christian, tethered to both the indicatives and imperatives of God’s Word, then we’ll need to pray. We’ll need to pray because we need help connecting the gospel to their everyday lives. None of us does this well.

Christian parents must flee from moralism and manipulation into the blood and righteousness of Jesus alone. We have to give them the gospel, graciously but relentlessly, so that they’ll know that there is a God who is as good as He says He is. Love them, discipline them, and tell them about Jesus.

Now, back to our opening vignette. Allie had just declared, “I don’t deserve to be with my friends.” How would the gospel transform her mom’s response?

Although her mom wasn’t thinking about the gospel and didn’t want to take time away from her company to correct her daughter or talk to her about Jesus, the Lord used Allie’s words to melt her heart.

“You’re right, Allie. You don’t deserve to be with your friends. But neither do I. I’ve been angry and embarrassed. I don’t deserve God’s good gifts either. But God is so kind, He doesn’t give us what we deserve. He gives us mercy instead. Do you know what mercy is, little one?” Allie shook her head no.

“Mercy is God giving you good when you deserve punishment. And grace is God just piling on all the good stuff you could never earn by being good enough. God can give us grace because His Son never slapped anyone. He can give us mercy because His Son was slapped in our place. Jesus has made a way for you and me to experience God’s mercy instead of His judgment. Isn’t He good?”

“You’re making me cry,” Allie whispered through her tears.

“Yes, God’s mercy is making me cry, too,” her mom replied. “Let’s pray together that the Lord helps us both remember His grace tonight.”

After discipline and prayer, Allie hugged her mom and said, “Mommy, now I know that God really loves me.”

Christian parenting isn’t a new method. It’s sharing the gospel you already know.

in light of the understanding that we really do believe we are accountable to Scripture. In many ways that’s the most revolutionary, the most incendiary Christian belief that is at stake right now—the fact we actually believe that we are bound by Scripture.

At the Diet of Worms, Martin Luther said, “Here I stand, I can do none other. God help me. My conscience is bound by Scripture.” The very fact we believe we are bound by Scripture is increasingly going to be a public scandal. This is the thing: Unless our children develop a love for the Word of God, and unless the Word of God gets into their hearts and penetrates them, then they’re going to see the Word of God as the problem. They’re going to see us as the problem for, in their view, basing prejudicial, hateful, exclusionary beliefs upon an inscripturated claim to revelation.

When we look at our children and our grandchildren and the church’s children, when we look at any child, let’s pray that they see Christ, and seeing Christ, believe in Him, and believing, they are saved. Let’s pray that they’ll be raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This post is excerpted from the book Indestructible Joy for the Next Generations, published by Truth78 (formerly Children Desiring God). For a limited time, the book is available as a free download at Bit.ly/IndestructibleJoy.

people. And it’s not something that is to be done only one day a week in Sunday school. We can’t abdicate the responsibility to the church. The primary responsibility for the education of children according to Scripture is the family, the parents. And what is commanded is the passing on of tradition.

In our forward-looking age, many look upon tradition with scorn. It is seen as the province of reactionaries and conservatives who refuse to get with the times. But when we look at Scripture, we find it has much to say about tradition, some of it negative, some of it positive. One of the judgments of God upon the nation of Israel and upon the teachers of Israel was that they began to substitute human traditions for the Word of God, with the human traditions taking the place of Scripture. Because of that error, we may jump to the conclusion that we should, therefore, never communicate traditions.

Yet when we come to the New Testament, we find a distinction made between the traditions of men and the tradition of God. The Apostle Paul, for example, claims that he did not invent out of his own mind the message that he proclaimed to the churches and was passing on to the churches—the paradosis, the tradition, of God. Paradosis is the Greek word for “tradition,” and it comes from the same root as the Greek term for “gift” as well as the prefix para-, which means “alongside of” or “passing on.” Literally, the meaning of “tradition” in the Scriptures is the passing on of a gift. The gift that is to be passed on is the gift of the knowledge of God, of what He has revealed about Himself in His Word, of what He inspired the prophets and Apostles to tell us in sacred Scripture.

It’s my responsibility as a parent and it’s your responsibility as a parent to pass on that gift. If you aren’t a parent, it’s your responsibility to support the work of the church and those who are parents in passing on that gift. It is a great and glorious calling to lead our children into the truth of God’s Word. Indeed, there is no more solemn mandate given to parents and adults in the church than to raise up covenant children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

valued children. We feel the anguish of Hannah in her plea for a son, and we rejoice with her in the birth of Samuel (1 Sam. 1). Solomon tells us that “children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward,” and blessed is the man who fills his house with children just as he fills a quiver with arrows (Ps. 127:3–5). And who can forget Jesus’ command that His disciples not keep the “little children” from coming to Him (Matt. 19:13– 14)? Our Savior, who Himself never married or had children, placed a high value on children. America’s abortion clinics has rejected the ethics of God’s Word and should fear the judgment of God.

Periodically, we hear of the supposed economic burden children bring. Recent statistics estimate that it costs more than $250,000 to raise a child from birth to age eighteen. Yet Christians do not consider their sons and daughters to be burdens. We know they are gifts from God to be treasured and to be raised in the fear and admonition of our Lord (Eph. 6:4). No matter the financial cost, it is a small price to pay for the joys we receive from the hugs of our children and grandchildren. May the Lord bless His church with children who love and serve Him.

As a pastor, I am often faced with the difficulty of counseling deeply saddened fathers and mothers with prodigal sons and daughters. Parents who enter my study for counsel and prayer are usually trying to come to grips with the harsh reality about a prodigal (lavishly wasteful) son or daughter. The child they have loved, prayed for, educated, nurtured, protected, and discipled has left everything to chase after the fleeting pleasures of the world, forsaking not only their father's home but their father's faith. There are likely many parents and grandparents reading this who have prodigal children or grandchildren, and they are greatly burdened for their souls, praying they would come to the end of themselves, trust Christ, and come home.

My greatest concern, however, is for those parents who are not burdened for the souls of their prodigal children. Because their children were raised in good families with good Christian principles, having been taught the way they should go in life, many parents have concluded that they are just fine despite their prodigal lifestyles and unbelief. They may rightly believe that God is sovereign and that He is the only one who can save their children, yet they have forgotten that God has ordained the ends as well as the means to those ends. As such, He calls parents of prodigal children of every age not to presume their salvation and pretend everything is spiritually fine, but to pray for their salvation, preach the gospel to them, and plead with them to repent and believe. When Christian parents don't face up to the difficult reality that they have prodigal children who are wasting their lives by chasing after the temporal pleasures of the world, they likely won't face their children with the truth of the gospel, and, what's more, their children won't face the difficult reality that they are facing eternal condemnation.

In His sovereignty, God uses parents to speak God's truth and God's gospel to the hearts and minds of their children. If parents, who are primarily responsible for training up their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord, choose not to admonish for fear of driving their faithless children farther away from home, their fear might ultimately reveal their own faithlessness as well. Parents must not give in to the temptation to presume their prodigal children are bound for glory, and neither should they ever give up praying for, preaching to, and pleading with their children to come to the end of themselves, trust Christ, and come home—where they will be overwhelmingly welcomed by the heavenly Father and by their earthly father, who will run to them with open arms and a prodigal (lavishly wasteful) celebration as they both rejoice coram Deo, before the face of God.

can best envision it by attending worship in a local church. There we hear corporate singing from people of all ages and different backgrounds, voices united in passionate worship. Your children will have the opportunity to see with their own eyes and hear with their own ears the love these varied believers have for Jesus.

In addition, they will have the privilege of experiencing the rich spiritual truths in the sacraments—the Lord’s Supper and baptism. These ordinances cannot be done on your own in your living room, and they give foretastes of heavenly worship. This experience, multiplied over eighteen years, will give them a sense of God’s powerful work all around the world and over the centuries since our Savior walked the earth. With this foundation, they should be able to place themselves within this mighty work of the Spirit with humility, faith, and perspective, none of which can be gained just in your family unit alone—no matter how devoted you are.

God has commanded Christians not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together “as is the habit of some” (Heb. 10:25). It is easy for busy families to get into the habit of missing church. Perhaps they tuned in one Sunday to the livestream and then lapsed into that habit out of convenience. God specifically warned against becoming negligent in gathering for corporate worship, which may even lead to eventually forsaking church attendance altogether. We cannot flourish in our walks with Christ as lone ranger Christians.

More pointedly for parents, our children are watching us constantly to see what we really believe and cherish. If we disobey the command of Hebrews 10, our children will rightly see us as hypocrites, and it will be very easy for them eventually to choose not to make Christianity a part of their lives at all. But by instilling in them the habit of faithful attendance at church worship services, we will be laying a foundation for the rest of their lives. They will think of disobeying this clear command as unthinkable, and it will open the way for comprehensive obedience to everything Christ has commanded them to do (Matt. 28:20).

play times, activity and rest times. Spiritually, this includes patterns of time together to pray and learn from God’s Word.

As you develop these routines, talk about them with your child. Teach them how God is consistent in this world and in their life. Work together to create schedules and routines that help everyone accomplish what God calls them to. Discuss together what extra activities to include in the week, whether they will help or inhibit the family’s routines, and whether the additional activities bring glory to God.

Ground Your Family in God’s Word

As Moses prepared God’s people to enter the promised land, he exhorted them to remember God’s Word: Take to heart all the words by which I am warning you today, that you may command them to your children, that they may be careful to do all the words of this law. For it is no empty word for you, but your very life. . . (Deut. 32:46–47)

As Christians, we know that God’s Word is the source of life and truth, yet in the craziness of daily life it’s often neglected for the sake of pressing things like getting out the door on time or finishing homework before bed. Yet our children cannot learn about the world God created apart from knowing Him. Math, science, and history unrooted from the God who created all things holds little value. We need to fill our children’s minds and hearts with the truth of who God is and what He has done. This equips them to separate truth from falsehood. It helps them develop a biblical worldview through which to filter all that they hear and see. It feeds their souls, helping them grow in their knowledge of the One who created them.

As you start a new school year, incorporate Bible reading and memorization into your day. Mealtimes or evenings before bed are ideal. Use these times to talk about your children’s day, what they learned, and the interactions they had with others. Help them think through and consider how God’s Word intersects with their daily lives. What might the gospel say to how they respond to another child being mean? Or to something a teacher said that is untrue? Or to a situation that seems unfair? As you have these conversations, they will learn that God’s Word is the source of truth for all of life.

The transition from summer to the return to school creates opportunities to teach our children about the God who made them. As we get back into the fall routine, may we seek to image God in our work and rest, in our schedules and routines, and in our dependence upon His Word.

Lord will use His words to aid us in calming our own hearts and being able to speak the truth to those who are hurting and in need of the gospel.  

The Bible we hold in our hands does not just contain the word of God—it is the Word of God. This may be a helpful passage to begin with for memorization: All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. (2 Tim. 3:16–17)

This can be done in limitless ways on any given day. Perhaps in your own Bible reading you cover the account of Balaam’s talking donkey—that would make interesting breakfast conversation! However, other passages deal with topics your child does not need to know about yet. Help them to realize that they will not understand every passage they read, and neither do you. Even the most learned scholars cannot understand it all. We must not be frustrated by that nor let it diminish our genuine love for God’s Word. The Lord will reveal truth to us as we genuinely seek to understand how He is at work from Genesis to Revelation to the praise of His glory.

Remember, the world wants your children to think the Bible is an old, irrelevant book. We know better. And we must continually be in conversation with our kids at every stage to eagerly show them how the Bible is indeed not only relevant but truly “a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path.”

understand their hearts.

The heart of our faith is not how to be good enough to earn eternal life. The heart of our faith is the One who was good enough. Jesus is incarnate to be our Savior. He lived the life we could not live; He lived without sin so that we could have righteousness. He died the death we could not die; He laid down His life on the cross to deliver us from the guilt and condemnation of our sin. He was raised to life for our justification. Even now He prays for us at the Father’s right hand.

This hope of grace, forgiveness, salvation, and empowerment is truth that our children (and we ourselves) always need. As you correct and disciple, always hold the hope of the gospel before your children. We deny the gospel when we tell children they can be good in their own strength. The encouragement of Hebrews 2:17 is that Jesus who, as a man, suffered being tempted, can help us in our temptations.

Deuteronomy 6:5 captures this truth: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” Your love for God, your joy in Him, and your gratitude and satisfaction for all that God is to you in Christ are important truths for you to model for your children. The next verses capture how essential this modeling is: “These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children” (Deut. 6:6–7).

Each day, as you live with your children, you are presenting a view of reality. You are showing them that you believe that God is good and the rewarder of those who seek Him. By loving God and others, you model the truth that the law of God is good. As you make a priority of worship, you tell them that life is found in God. When you are kind to people who are unkind, you show the magnanimity and kindness of God. Everything you do provides a narrative of truth for your children.

Your submission to God in all things, your honesty about the ways your heart is prone to wander, and your hope in the grace of the gospel all provide a narrative for your children. Raising children for God is some of the greatest work you will ever do.

: Editor's Note: This article was originally published on September 9, 2024.

a series of questions: What is being said here about sex? How does that message agree or disagree with God’s Word on sex? Is this a message I should believe, or a message that gets it wrong?

Parents, we not only want our kids to know where babies come from, but we want them to know the Divine Designer of sex and sexuality. Don’t leave their sex education to chance, thinking that one day they’ll get it all figured out. “Donnie” and our sexualized culture will step in by default. Continually remind them about the truth of the loving God who has made them and the truth about His good gift of sexuality.

God’s inexhaustible love. A sovereign God who does not love is a tyrant, and a loving God who is not sovereign is pitiful and powerless. Fortunately for us, the Bible tells us that God is both sovereign and loving.

Therefore, the surest way to help our children understand monumental happenings is to bring them to the cross, where God’s sovereignty and love meet most perfectly. We tell our children the old, old story, but we apply it to their hearts specifically. We teach them that even something as horrifying as the death of the sinless Son of God was part of God’s sovereign plan (Acts 2:23). At the same time, it was the Father’s love that sent the Son to offer Himself by the eternal Spirit as atonement for sinners like us (John 3:16; Heb. 9:14). The cross of Christ is the beautiful, paradoxical intersection of divine sovereignty and love.

With the cross before them, we ask the Spirit to turn our children’s attention to the implications of the cross for significant events in this world. We teach them to ask questions such as, “If God’s plan included Christ’s death and that death takes care of my biggest problem (my sin), then how could this sovereign God fail to do right, ultimately?” We are doing with our children what Paul does with us in Romans 8:31–39. We are asking and answering rhetorical questions with them, the force of which is the conclusion Paul draws in this passage: because of Christ, all will finally be well for His people, no matter what happens to them or in the world around them.

Shorter also contain proof-texts to give readers confidence that what is said reflects the Bible. Thus, they reflect the “pattern of sound words” passed down for our edification (2 Tim. 1:13; 2 Thess. 2:15; Acts 17:11; Jude 3).

If we do not ask and answer important questions about God for ourselves and our children, we can be sure that others will. It was in a catechetical format that the devil tempted Adam and Eve: “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” (Gen. 3:1). Likewise, our own sinful natures propagandize our souls, questioning God. The book of Malachi is structured around such questions, starting with people challenging God’s pledge of love: “‘I have loved you,’ says the Lord. But you say, ‘How have you loved us?’” (Mal. 1:2). Finally, the unbelieving world will catechize us to its own values if we are not careful. The Psalms reflect this: My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long, ‘Where is your God?” (Ps. 42:3)

Likewise, Old Testament nations ask mocking questions of people of faith, such as the Assyrians surrounding Jerusalem and asking how they can trust in the Lord (Isa. 36:5–7; see also Ps. 79:10; 115:2; Deut. 29:24).

The world, the flesh, and the devil battle against us, directing us to see our purpose in life as “to glorify and enjoy ourselves as long as possible.” We need catechisms to remind us of biblical truths, like the precious reality that man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever (Westminster Shorter Catechism 1).

Truths like these, expressed in the short statements of a catechism, not only inform our minds, but through the Spirit’s work, they also capture our hearts. As Archibald Alexander said of the Westminster catechisms and confession: We love them most of all because they contain the truth of God—that truth which forms the foundation of our hopes. As our fathers prized them, and we prize them, so may our children and our children’s children love and preserve them.

: Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity: Contained in Sermons upon the Westminster Assembly’s Catechism (Banner of Truth, 1692, repr. 2021), 5. : See Ian Green, The Christian’s ABC: Catechisms and Catechizing in England c.1530-1740 (Clarendon Press, 1996). : Zacharias Ursinus, Commentary on the Heidelberg Catechism, trans. G.W. Williard (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1954), 10. : Archibald Alexander, “Westminster Assembly of Divines,” Biblical Repertory and Princeton Review 15.4 (Oct. 1843), 586.

to believe in it, starting with yourself. Let them see that the One with all authority made the world and gave it to man. The One with all authority is full of mercy and slow to anger, though He will not always bear with the wicked. Show them that the One with all authority came not to be served but to serve by giving His life for those under His authority. Show them how His bride has been redeemed under His life-giving rule. Show them that in a world that has rejected the authority of God, He still speaks through His Word, and that in your house, His loving rule rules. 

There is one more reason for us to consider why we should teach our children the Bible. We teach our children the Bible to help them learn why all things exist. Sooner or later, your kids will have to make sense of the world in which they live to find their place in it. When they decide what it is that they believe, there will only be one of two conclusions to which they can come: the biblical conclusion or the wrong conclusion.

A life is a precious thing not only because it is from God but also because it is through and to God. As Paul said: “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen” (Rom. 11:36). Our children’s lives have a meaning given by God; they do not have to meander through life seeking a self-created meaning. Teaching them the Bible will lay out the structure of reality, allowing them to walk in light of the truth. 

Conclusion

The point must be made that teaching your children the Bible does not determine that they will become believers. We teach because the Bible offers hope to our children that they can be delivered from living for themselves and instead live for God. It is to this end that Jesus died on the cross: to redeem us to God. As Paul said: For none of us lives to himself, and none of us dies to himself. For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. For to this end Christ died and lived again, that he might be Lord both of the dead and of the living. (Rom. 14:7–9)

Though children learn from what we say, they learn even more from who we are and what we do. Our faith, our praying, our teaching, and our living must be parts of a seamless whole. Thus, the implementation of our teaching as parent-prophets necessitates godly modeling.

The preeminent godly model for us as parent-prophets is the Lord Jesus, who excelled all others as a true prophet, teacher, fisher of men, and maker of disciples. We do well to make a personal study of the Gospels with an eye to how Christ went about training His disciples. A good teacher looks for good models and constantly strives to hone his skills and improve his methods. Christ provides us with the very best model and abundant resources to draw upon as we take up the work of teaching and training our children.

Children are not looking for perfect parents, and they are remarkably forgiving. They have an uncanny way of knowing who their parents are and what they stand for. It is hard to keep secrets from anyone when we live under the same roof. Children are always reading the books of our lives. Besides the Bible, the way we live our faith from day to day is the most important book our children will ever read.

What children need to see is not a perfect mom or dad, and certainly not a mom or dad who never says, “I’m sorry.” They need to see in us an unwavering commitment to Jesus Christ, an unconditional love for them, and a strong bond of love for each other as husband and wife. They need to see a mom and dad laboring shoulder to shoulder, of whom the children can say: “My mom and dad hate sin, they love God, and their only hope is in Christ Jesus. They want with all that is within them to live holy and godly lives. I can see it, I can feel it; I know it is true and it is real, and I want to be like them. I want the God of my father and mother to be my God.” In particular, godly modeling should instill in our children the conviction that the Christian life is the way to live and that it brings true joy, true purpose, and true meaning in life, and awaken in them a kind of holy jealousy to want these things for themselves. As our children read the books of our lives, they learn how important God, Christ, the Bible, faith, prayer, and family worship are to us.

(Eph. 6:4), for “he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Prov. 13:24). Our heavenly Father “disciplines the one he loves” (Heb. 12:5). The goal of discipline is not merely behavior modification, but heart transformation such that Christ becomes their only hope and salvation.

We largely create the world in which our children grow up. Ideally, that’s a world of continuity where the truths heard at home align with those heard at church and school. While this principle applies differently, God requires all parents to give their children a vision of the world where Christ is supreme in all things (Rom. 11:36). This is why we quiver our arrows and sharpen them before shooting them out into a hostile world (Ps. 127:4). Daniel and his friends were discipled in covenant community under King Josiah’s reforms, and when they entered Babylon, they did not compromise their godly integrity (Dan. 1:4–21; 3:8-30; 6; 2 Kings 23).

Boys must be taught to be godly men, and girls, godly women (1 Tim. 2:8–15). In our culture of gender confusion, parents must intentionally teach biblical models of masculinity and femininity and their respective virtues (Prov 1:8-9). Godly men and women in the local church, whether single or married, also play a vital role in these models (Titus 2:1–8). Faithful parents will train their boys to be godly men and their girls to be godly women for whatever future vocations God has for them. If their children marry one day, they will be better prepared for a God-honoring marriage, for God said, “It is not good that man be alone; I will make a helper fit for him” (Gen. 2:18). If God providentially withholds marriage, parents have not erred in their discipleship, for “each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another” (1 Cor. 7:7). In the case of either future marriage or singleness, we must train our children not to awaken love before its time (Song 8:4).

Conclusion

Discipling our children is a weighty calling—but not one without hope. God supplies the grace to persist, “always to pray and not lose heart” (Luke 18:1), as we trust that God will bless our efforts and bring forth kingdom fruit for generations to come.

time for faithful presence to step forward into active assistance. Sometimes that means being a guardrail while still giving our children the space to work through challenges on their own; sometimes it means stepping in to give hands-on support. Whatever the situation, when our children are hard-pressed with troubles and trials, we can be on the lookout for ways to come alongside to bear their burden (Gal. 6:2). This, too, takes wisdom because every situation and child are different. There is no one-size-fits-all playbook here, so godly wisdom is needed to meet each child where he or she is. As we gauge the gravity of the trial and a particular child’s capacity to handle it, wisdom means tailoring our engagement to the situation.

Point Them to Hopeful Horizons

Whatever the trial, and however thoughtfully we may be supporting our children through it, there is a potential danger of falling prey to short-sightedness. As we walk with our children through difficult situations, it’s possible to become so engrossed in the problem itself that we forget to fix our eyes upward on the Deliverer. Few of us do this intentionally; more often it’s just that our burdens are pressing in so hard against us—especially when our children are affected—that it’s all we can do to our catch our breath. As we shift into survival mode, we focus on our surrounding circumstances and lose sight of the bigger picture. Our children can have this same reaction during times of hardship, which means we have an opportunity to remind them of where our true hope is found. As the shepherd points his flock toward safe pasture, we who are called to walk with children through the valley of shadows have the privilege of directing their eyes upward toward the horizon, to the hope we have in Christ. No matter how dark their surroundings may be, we can help them look to Jesus, the light of the world (John 8:12) whose righteous path “shines brighter and brighter until full day” (Prov. 4:18). What peace is found when we help our children look beyond the darkness, up and out of the valley, toward the unshakable hope we have in the marvelous light of Jesus.

One way we fall into this as parents is bringing up the past with our children. We might say things like “You always do this . . . ” to guilt, voice our frustrations, or manipulate obedience from them. When we speak like this, we inadvertently become parables of unforgiving servants.

But we ought not to lose hope. We can be positive parables of forgiveness. Parents who are parables of forgiving servants are open about forgiveness, and our children learn the most about forgiveness when we forgive each other.

Parents, ask your children for forgiveness regularly. They have hearts that react to sin and injustice, just like you. Do not let unconfessed sins come between you, and when your children sin against you, encourage them also to ask for forgiveness. This involves not being harsh with them so that they, in turn, feel comfortable talking about their sins. When they are young, name their sin for them and teach them how to ask for forgiveness beyond saying, “I’m sorry.” There is something so much stronger communicated about sin and reconciliation when we teach them to ask, “Will you forgive me?”

When your children struggle to forgive someone, pray with them about it. Even when your children are little and may not have an awareness of begrudging anyone, pray daily with them that they might develop hearts of forgiveness. Prayer is one of the best ways to communicate indirectly with their hearts. It’s especially helpful when they are not inclined to listen to your direct instruction. Use prayer as an indirect route that their hearts may be softened by the Spirit.

Family is wonderful. It can also, at times, be volatile. Establish a regular rhythm of prayer together as a family. This can be as easy as praying at mealtimes. This regular rhythm, even if it is only at one meal a day, gives us an opportunity to go before the Lord whenever inevitable tensions arise. When a fight has just broken out, Jesus calls us to be reconciled. One way to clear the air is to ask for help in prayer. Something about the ordinariness of a mealtime prayer of thanksgiving makes such requests surprising but, most importantly, ordinary.

We should be open about forgiveness with our children, and once such an open space is created in our homes, we need to diligently guard the peace that reconciliation brings and no longer sin against each other. But when we do, we forgive.

This article was originally published May 15, 2024.

and now it is only a working out of God’s divine providence in our fallen world, in which there is not a one-to-one correlation between our perceived blessings (or lack thereof) and God’s pleasure or displeasure (Eccl. 8:14; John 9:1–3).

Note these counsels to children: Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right (Eph. 6:1–2; Ex. 20:12). Obey them promptly and sincerely. Note that Jesus was obedient to His parents (Luke 2:51). Make your parents proud. Not just in athletics, or music, or drama, but give them reason to find joy in your progress of faith (Phil. 2:19–30).

Fathers, the children that you brought into the world will remain your children for as long as life will last. Not only are you to provide what they need to live in this world but also an atmosphere in which you are preparing them for the world to come. Children do not go to heaven on the basis of their parents’ profession of faith, nor their dedication as a baby, nor their baptism as an infant. There must be a loving atmosphere where they see the faith lived out as a daily reality, not just as a Sunday thing. Knowing Christ as Savior and Lord is the only way to enter heaven.

Note these counsels to fathers: Lead your children in worship. This includes both corporate worship and family worship. Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Shepherd their hearts. Teach them by word and by example. Discipline them. Do it with wisdom, so that it is natural for them to obey. Do it with love, so that it is a pleasure for them to obey. Do it with firmness, so that it is advisable for them to obey. Pray for them. Charles Spurgeon noted, “We must never cease to pray for our children until they cease to breathe. No case is hopeless while Jesus lives.”

Conclusion

In conclusion, what should we as godly grandparents, who have limited time left in this world, desire that our grandchildren see in us? First, may they see that our walk with the Lord is a thing of first importance in our lives (Matt. 6:33). Second, may they see that our worship of the Lord is essential. With us, the Lord’s Day is a nonnegotiable (Heb. 10:25). Third, may they see that we have a passion for the lost to come to Christ—He is their only hope.

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on September 4, 2024.